Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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