Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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