I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
