New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Bring me that man meat
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
