I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
