something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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