a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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