your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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