he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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