Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
