The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
