How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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