i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
