also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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