you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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