I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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