Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
did i walk over a car last night?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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