Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
