Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
