I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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