You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
