You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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