last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I supernannyed him into submission
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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