if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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