When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
