Jerry, you need to find god
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
