She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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