Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
