u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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