I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
