i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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