I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
