Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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