Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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