I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
