By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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