He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
