I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize