sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
