He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"