I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO