Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.