So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
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I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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