my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?