I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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she peed on how many people?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.