At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
