I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
