We got so high we made milksteak
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
