Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
