blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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