he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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