Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
