I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize