We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
