shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize