You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
