My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize