I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
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I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
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This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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