Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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