why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
