my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
