just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
