Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
