you would pick up someone in the library
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
