we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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